Sunday, December 11, 2011

The map of my scars

As I was falling asleep last night, I thought about all the scars I have gotten since being diagnosed with Crohn's disease.  I figured I'd list them all here.

I will start from the legs up.  First on my left lower leg and my right lower leg I have one spot each of pyoderma gangrenosum.  Which is a fun skin lesion that Crohn's can cause.  It's been a long time since I had those.  When they were active, it looked like I had been shot in the legs.  Deep circular wounds that took forever to heal.

My most private scar is the one where my anus used to be.  This was removed and sown shut in 1995 when I had my ileostomy placed.  I tell people you can't call me an a**hole any more since I don't have one.  You see, I use humor to get through life.

Next up is my main scar.  The zipper that runs from the middle of my abdomen right below my boobs to my pubic area.  It bypasses my belly button so it is a crooked scar.  I always ask the surgeon to use the same line and try to clean up the scar each time so it doesn't get too huge.  This has been used nine times so far.

On my left lower back right below my shoulder blade I have a scar from a chest tube from 2002 when my lungs collapsed for the last time (so far).  On the left side of my body below my armpit is a chest tube scar.  This one has been used three times.  On my right is another chest tube scar.  This has been used once.

On my right chest above my boob is my port a cath scar.  This had been used twice. I got septic two times from my port.  My MD said no more ports for me. On my left arm near the crook of my elbow are various PICC scars.  I have been put on the DO NOT PICC list at my hospital since my veins suck and won't allow PICCs to be inserted anymore.  On that same left arm are my monthly blood draw dots.  I refuse to let anyone touch my Hickmann but me.  I do not want to be septic again.

Above my port scar on my right neck is  my liver biopsy scar.  They went through my neck down to my liver for a biopsy to see if I was getting early cirrhosis.  If so, that may mean a transplant someday. I am at least lucky so far that that is not happening yet.  On my left neck are various central line catheter scars.

When I think about all I have been through, how many times I have been hospitalized, poked and prodded, it's a wonder I still get up in the morning.  For me, it's what I know.  For me, I don't know anything different.

I have no idea what it is like to be normal and healthy. I wish I knew why me...